I’ve probably written about this before, but a recent session with a group of keen-as-mustard network folk, ostensibly to update us on latest technologies, but really to sell us stuff got me thinking again.
I have a proposition. These geeks were extolling the virtues of their fast networking, and the even faster networking they were about to bring us at a knock-down price, but I think that they are way behind the curve and actually selling us three-wheeled ox-carts when Starship Enterprise technology is already all around us.
Whenever your botty approaches the porcelain, something needing your immediate attention happens, perhaps the electricity man calls to read the meter, the parcel you were expecting arrives, or your dog goes into labour on your expensive Persian rug.
Whenever you get in the shower and just after smearing the shampoo on your hair, it’s the same. The phone rings or some other domestic emergency causes you to run out of the shower, slipping on the tiles and breaking your back axle.
You are going to that career-defining interview. Your presentation refuses to save on the memory stick you bought specifically for the purpose. Your interview suit is still in the dry cleaners, the maid has burned a hole in your special interview shirt, you can’t find the lucky tie you always wear and the cat has peed in your shoes. You don’t know it yet but you also have a flat tyre.
This effect used to be called, “Things always happen at the worst possible time”, “If it can go wrong it will”, “The Law of Sod”, ”Snafu” and a few other less printable epithets. It’s been going on for years. I’m surprised it hasn’t had it’s own episode on Ancient Aliens. I’m sure it’s a theory the Greek guy with the mad hair is up for.
There is a reason, and it comes down to networks. Let me explain.
As Jung discovered, everything, both animate and inanimate is linked, and action on one object can affect another. He put it down to the collective subconscious, a kind of dark matter that everything floats in. So, hit one bit, the vibrations travel around and immediately affect other bits. Einstein waffles on about it in Quantum Theory as “Action at a Distance”. It explains the speed of transmission of crazes. A mind has a thought, however daft, and other minds pick it up immediately. Simplistic, obviously, but I’m sure you get the idea. It certainly explains Justin Blieber’s popularity
This stuff allows virtually instantaneous transmission over a network of unlimited capacity. Network Design Guys, you have a lot of catching up to do.
To further complicate matters, this network is managed by a family of evil-minded malevolent trolls, Mr and Mrs Murphy and all the little Murphys. We each have a personal Murphy, who ensures that events will conspire against us. They watch, and at crucial moments, cackle gleefully and press the button initiating the process.
The senior Murphys also orchestrate global disaster. How else do you explain Justin Blieber.
So next time all the robots are red when your are in a hurry, your anniversary dinner soufflé collapses despite being perfect in all the trials, and you give the interviewer a copy of “Debbie Does Dallas – Uncensored” as your interview presentation, you know who to blame. Murphy.