Recruitment Agencies – a haven for Clarksonites?

As some of you may know, I am currently between engagements.   This has meant that I have had the dubious pleasure of trying to find a new earner, a task which by virtue of my being an ageing immigrant puts my blatt at the bottom of the pile of resumes.

I have been interacting, if that isn’t too strong a word with Recruitment Agencies.   My experience is that, with the exception of a wonderful few, sending an application to an Agency is like standing in the middle of a flat plain, yodelling and expecting an echo.    Or to put it another way, casting your bread on the waters and getting soggy bread back.

I am coming rapidly to the conclusion that Agencies are stuffed full of Jeremy Clarksons.  His pet response on being asked to do something about which he has not a clue is to intone, “Can’t be all that difficult can it” and pick up a hammer.

In the case of Agencies, the well-meaning amateurs take as a starting proposition that it can’t be all that difficult to find someone wanting a job, someone wanting someone for a job and matching the two.   All you need is enough of each. 

The Internet has added a new simplicity to the process.  No longer a need for newspaper adverts, which cost money.  No need for writing paper, envelopes and stamps, which cost money.  All you need is an Internet Connection and you are in business:

  1. Think of a jazzy company name. Steal one from an overseas company if you have no imagination.
  2. Create a website, cut’n’pasting or using a WordPress template.
  3. Harvest resumes by advertising a non-existent position with an unnamed prestigious blue-chip client on various job boards.  Cut’n’paste the advert, changing it where appropriate. Make sure you put the “If you have not heard….” bit at the end. You have no intention of ever speaking to any of the candidates unless you are actually placing them.
  4. Use Linkedin or the Job Boards to find companies who are currently recruiting.  Harvest the job descriptions.
  5. Now for the difficult bit. Despite not knowing the difference between an Oracle database and a lawn mower, look at the resumes and see if any have the same words as the job description.    If the job description asks for Dingbat V4 experience, but the candidate has V5.1, reject the candidate.   If they have exactly the same words, fire the resume off to the client. 
  6. Collect a placement fee.
  7. Repeat 3 – 6 as necessary.

Might even try it myself.   Can’t be all that difficult can it?

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One Response to Recruitment Agencies – a haven for Clarksonites?

  1. Mark John B says:

    Bravo! Too true! A dead heat for the worlds biggest Tossers – Recruitment or Estate “Agents”?Closely followed by Lawyers & Bankers?

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